The Power of Why

The Power of Why?

One of the things I have realized I do in my practice is ask myself “why?” This is really a powerful question.  I remember in school they always said avoid the question why.  So my starting off with this simple but complex word my trigger some of you or completely put off others.  If you can stay for just a few more seconds maybe an opportunity will open up for you. 

When a client comes in my office I immediately start an internal question of “why are they here?”  Really this word is motivated by curiosity, and curiosity keeps me grounded and objective.  Then as they share in the initial session of why they are here I’m asking myself “why is their problem a problem?”  Then as I form a hypothesis about this I ask myself “why are they sharing what they are sharing?”

All of these ways of asking why begin forming a hypothesis in my mind to help inform my exploration and treatment with clients. As treatment begins, I continue with the “whys”. The “why” helps me with evaluating countertransference, transference, resistance, success.   Consider curiosity to help ground you in the following treatment steps.

·       Setting client goals: “why are they here?”, “Why is the problem the problem?”, “why does the problem continue to be a problem?”

·       Client Stuck Place: “Why is the client stuck in this specific way?”, “How could this problem be helpful?”, “Why would this problem have been helpful to them at some time in their life?”

·       Countertransference: “why does this client bother me so much?”, “why do I dread this client?”, “why do I look forward to this client?”, “Why am I bothered when the client doesn’t meet treatment goals quickly?”, “why do I feel relief when the client does this?”

·       Transference: “Why am I the one the client keeps calling?”, “why is the client yelling at me?”, “why did they choose me as their therapist?”, “How is what they are doing right now normal for them?”,  “What purpose doe s this serve for them?”

·       Success: “Why did they get better?”, “Why did this work for them?”

Asking the question of why and staying in a curious place can help inform every phase of treatment.  If you ask the question why and are struggling with the answer maybe be curious about that, or call a colleague and see if they can help with exploring why.  If “why” is just too difficult for you,  try “How” or “what” inserted in the same type questions and just see what happens in your treatment process.